As with most things this summer, this post is going to start with Barbie. It’s not really about Barbie at all… but Barbie led me here. Greta Gerwig’s box office smashing film helped every girl realize her beauty and her worth… even fat girls. While Lawyer Barbie may be the only Plus Sized representation depicted in the movie, I was incredibly grateful to have her there. (Her wardrobe was terrible, but that’s another post for another day.)
I don’t recall seeing the actress who portrayed Lawyer Barbie in anything before, so I did a little research. She was played by the lovely Sharon Rooney. Rooney is a Scottish actress who first splashed on the scene playing the character Rae in the acclaimed British series, My Mad Fat Diary, which ran for three seasons (2013-2015.) How did I not know this show existed?! In all the Fat Positive media I have seen in the last few years, this show never came up. I quickly found it on Hulu and dove right in.
My Mad Fat Diary is a teen dramedy based on the personal diaries of Rae Earl, set in mid-1990’s Lincolnshire. Rooney plays the main character, Rae, a 16 year old with a passion for music, struggling with body image and mental health. In the first episode, it is revealed that Rae has just spent four months in an inpatient mental health facility. She is released back to her real life and must navigate how to heal and move forward.
The show follows Rae’s experiences with her close group of mates, her eccentric mom, her estranged father, her immigrant step-father, and her therapist. Rae is kind and funny with a big heart. She experiences highs and lows as she battles her feelings about her weight and her struggles with self harm. While all of their characters in the show have their flaws, they are at their core a warm and caring support system for Rae. I felt myself loving and rooting for each of them. Ultimately, they help Rae in their own way learn to love herself and believe in her ability to rise above her demons. Many of the feelings Rae struggled with resonated deeply with me. I absolutely loved the show and highly recommend watching it!
After bingeing the series in just a couple of days, I was stoked to read the book too. I downloaded it on my iPad and started in. I quickly discovered that the show and the book are quite a bit different! While they share a main character and common themes, the events and tone of the book are very dissimilar. Since the book is a diary, the events are told solely from Rae’s perspective. The story loses a lot of the charm when it is missing the heart and true nature of the supporting characters. The book is also set in the late 80’s instead of the 90’s, so the musical and cultural references were a little more difficult for me to understand. (I was only in 6th grade when the events of the diary were happening,)
The book was difficult for me to engage with. It was much more angry (see the title) and frustrated in tone. It was written in the height of diet culture, when people of size were truly made to feel pathetic and useless. Rae only believes she will be good and worthy of love if, and when, she loses weight. The book concludes with the belief that she has “a pretty face” and she is determined to lose weight to be with the guy she wants. Sigh… that old trope again!
I wanted to love the book… I just didn’t. I ended up highlighting a lot of sentences that triggered negative old demons that I have tried to slay in my own mind. It didn’t feel empowering and hopeful… instead it moved me backward. Ugh!
I find it so strange to say this… skip the book. Instead, watch My Mad Fat Diary on Hulu and fall in love with its characters. Listen to good 90’s music. Fall in love with Sharon Rooney and support her career. Most importantly, realize that you can be loved and worthy at ANY size!
Forty Fat and Fabulous 